Your life sucks? Say it!

Today, I'm getting more and more frustrated about this problem: I was with a girl for 5 years and never had problems with sex. After breaking up with her 5 months ago, every new girl I try and hook up with ends up being disappointed. For some reason, when its time to have sex, my "peter" decides it doesn't want to work. I am only 25 years old. Life Sucks.

Today, I just had my 45th birthday – and I’m still a virgin. Life Sucks!

Today, I had to masturbate a pig for insemination as part of my studies at vet school. I’m 19 and I’ve never touched a man in this way…Life Sucks!

Today, I haven't seen my boyfriend in over a month, and it's the day before I leave to visit him for a week. I a) got my period a week early and b) Went to the doc and found that what I thought was poison ivy on my armpit is actually an infection caused my razor-and was told not shave my pits for the next 2 weeks. Life Sucks!

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When we changed positions, he yelled out, “Go go Power Rangers!” Life Sucks!

Today, we had a family dinner at our house. As soon as I saw my 17-year-old cousin, I had a burning desire to go masturbate. I went into my parents' room since no one was in there. Unfortunately, my little sister's baby monitor was on and everyone heard the whole thing. Life Sucks!

Today, I got a call from my mother, who asked me if I could bring her a porno film that she could watch with my stepdad. Life Sucks!

Today, I called up some repairmen to fix my septic tank. I took them out into the yard to show them where the cover of the tank was, and when they lifted it we saw a whole ton of condoms floating on top. My wife and I don’t use condoms…Life Sucks!