Your life sucks? Say it!

Today, I was walking my dog and he took a crap on the sidewalk. I had run out of plastic bags but it was only one turd so I figured, okay I'll just sneak away and not tell anyone. On my way back home I wasn't paying attention and stepped in something. I looked down to see what it was - I'm sure you can guess. I know I deserved it but still...Life Sucks!

Today, my date's car got towed due to my advice - I told her it was okay to park there. Most expensive date ever...Life Sucks!

Today, I lost my 14th job in two years for the same reason that I always get fired - Sleeping in and showing up late. I probably deserve it, but hey, I can't help it! Life Sucks!

Today, I stole some ski gloves. There was a whole binful of them, so I turned my back to the bin and put a pair into the back pocket of my jeans. All good, until a security guard came up to me. I ran, not realizing that the gloves were all attached to one another and trailing behind me. Life Sucks!

Today, my girlfriend was trying to get ahold of me by calling my cell. The problem was, I left the house in a bit of a hurry and left it at home. She called and asked, "so when are you coming over, babe?" But it was my wife who picked up the phone. Life Sucks!

Today, I was in the subway. A girl who looked about 22 was sitting on front of me wearing a white miniskirt that was a little see-through. I decided to pretend to play around with my cell phone to take a picture up her skirt. I forgot the flash was on. Life Sucks!

Today, it’s my girlfriend’s birthday. I invited all her friends to her place as part of a surprise party. Around 8PM, her door opened and we heard a man’s voice, “I want you so bad right now.” My girlfriend said, “we’re going to celebrate just the two of us, that bastard forgot my birthday and went to go watch football with his buddies.” Life Sucks!

Today, when making love to my wife, I felt like I was cheating on my mistress. Life Sucks!